Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. But if I am mistaken.if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be.then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! THAT'S why Roger Podacter is dead! He found Captain Winky!! Jim Carrey is starring in Kick-Ass 2 this week, and his appearance has us reminiscing hard about his glory days particularly, his wild turn in 1994s Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.It was Carreys. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Would you excuse me for just one second? Ladies and gentlemen.my esteemed colleague, Mr. Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this.would a real woman be missing these? That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his. SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man! What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing!
Ace ventura pet detective quote professional#
For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays.you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. Oh-ho-HO! Fiction can be fun! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! He killed Roger Podacter, and he was just about to kill Dan Marino and ME! Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah! Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! I have exorcised the demons! This house is clear. This is double-paned soundproof glass! There is no way that neighbor could've heard Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut! The scream she heard came from inside this apartment before he was thrown over the balcony, and the murderer closed the door before he left. He drives his car like it was in a demolition derby, goes out of his way to poo-poo big shots, and treats animals with way more respect than any human. He lives in Miami, but clearly operates out of a dimension far stranger than ours.
You're certain you had to open this door? Ace Ventura, as the title suggests, is a pet detective. (to the manager) And you said you had to open the balcony door when you came into the room? She said she heard a scream, isn't that right Ma'am? This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor, she lives across the hall.